Day 1: A little loopy but I thought I would try to write down my immediate response to chemo. I started 2 hours late. I guess I need to be prepared for that. I swear the one nausea med made me feel a little nauseated (I want to write nauseous and that's the term I use, but it's not grammatically correct). Screw it. I like nauseous better. Anywho...I looked up the side effects of the one nausea med and it can cause nausea. That's hilarious.
My port that was inserted in my chest is still very tender and bruised. The nurse warned me that because of this, inserting the IV would probably be painful this time. However, I was pleasantly surprised at how fast and pain free it was. So almost 3 hours of drugs and then they hook the 5FU (other chemo med) into my at-home pump and send me on my merry way. It runs for 46 hours and then a nurse comes and unhooks it.
I'm still on my way home. Immediate side effects: I am hoarse and can't stop clearing my throat. I'm pretty sure I got the cold sensitivity (many people are unable to drink or eat anything cold without experiencing pain. This lasts a few days). I had a blind spot in my eye for a few seconds. I'm thirsty and just kind of feel weird. Weird is not the most descriptive term but it's the best one.
Getting pumped: I was able to see Sam before I had my doc appts today. I needed to rush there and just inhale her head because I knew it would get me pumped up for chemo. I was actually able to get back to her a second time before my infusion and hold her for a little longer. She is doing great; no feeding tube any more. Looks like she will be home before I know it. Anyway, saying goodbye to her today was bittersweet. I felt like a soldier going off to battle (I know, total cheese I'm throwin at ya!). Even saying goodnight to my kids last night and this morning was tough but a constant reminder of the need for me to be a warrior, or a soldier, or just a kick-ass cancer patient.
Speaking of pumps, I pumped for the last time for Sam today. I was able to give her over 2 weeks of breastmilk and she has had some formula to supplement those feedings. Now she goes to formula. I'm going to throw this out there now because I've had numerous lactating moms offer their milk to me: thank you so much breastfeeding moms but we are going to give Sam formula from here on. She will be just fine. I must let go of any guilt I have and just move forward. I have already raised 2 formula-fed children and Sam was able to get a little boost with my milk. It sucks that I will still have to pump and dump just to ween myself down and not get an infection, but I'm over it.
As I'm writing I've had 3 episodes where I get a huge blind spot in my right eye. It fades, but it's scary nonetheless. Let me just hail the almighty Google. If not for the ability to google crappy side effects and know that I am not alone, I'd be a much bigger mess.
Waiting: there is something absolutely miserable about waiting for side effects to occur. I am overthinking every little thing in my body right now and it's only been a couple hours. This is maddening. And holy cow, it's only the beginning.
I need to reroute my thought process right now. So I will post 2 pics to keep me grounded. The first is a pic of the amazing staff that has bought T-shirts to support me and a fellow colleague battling cancer. When I say I work with the greatest people on Earth there is not the slightest hesitation in my voice. They are amazing and if you happen to have children in the school district they teach in, well you, my friend, have won the teacher lottery.
The other is a pic of a foot. No big description. It's just really friggin cute.