I do not want to toss my cookies because I actually did have cookies and they were quite delicious: It is 3:57 a.m. I am wide awake. I fell asleep for about 5 minutes and was rudely awakened by a cough that shot up some lovely puke into my mouth and nose. Spent some time laid out on the bathroom floor but I'm really trying not to sweat it. Thinking it's a direct result of having such a good and eventful day that I got sidetracked, I didn't eat dinner, and I took an antibiotic on an empty stomach. Yeah, let's go with that. I am downstairs in my "living room bed" wedged between two cats so I must make the most of it. Oh you don't have a bed in the middle of your living room? Oh that's too bad. Well, I do. My lovely mother had one delivered to my house after my surgery because I couldn't go up and down the stairs. I know that in the near future it will be a life saver. Right now, it's great for nights like these and for my son to bounce on when he is bored or bang his head on when I won't let him play X-box. It's also really good at seeing how long it takes for someone to ask why there is a bed in my living room. I have to say, no one has asked yet. They are too polite and I usually end up just explaining its presence.
Pregopause vs. Godzilla: I would also like to take this late night opportunity to make a shout out to all my menopausal pregnant ladies in the house. Yeah you, in the back. Oh wait. Where is everybody? Okay, I guess I will just make a shout out to myself. So there is not a lot out there on menopausal pregnant women. I can google until my fingertips are blue but just like my cancer, this is indeed an oddity. I haven't really touched this subject at all. Mainly because I still haven't wrapped my head around it. 3 days after my surgery a lightning bolt of awareness hit me as the doctors were in my room making their rounds (and that's fair because I had been through a lot and was beyond sleep deprived). I just remember blurting out: "Wait, I have no ovaries. How can I be pregnant with no ovaries?" Luckily they found this to be a valid question and explained that at a certain stage in pregnancy the placenta is able to take over for the ovaries and make all of the necessary hormones that the ovaries would normally be responsible for. Basically the ball had been passed and placenta was at bat. Still because of the cancer diagnosis I could not fully take in the surgical menopause. Although I do believe that it should be recorded in some medical history book that hours after my surgery I experienced what could be called the biggest hot flash that ever hit the tri-state area. Ask anyone in my hospital room and they will vouch for me. I had a fearless team of family members working tirelessly to relieve the fireball that was my body. There were bags of ice being placed on my body that I was 100% confident were filled with hot coals. It felt like hours of flames (thinking i might be exaggerating) but a small oscillating fan and some really cold wash cloths were able to diffuse the menopause bomb. Granted the flashes revisited but luckily they dwindled with each one.
But that wasn't the end of Pregopause (would love to take credit for the term but a friend/family member came up with the name. I immediately thought it sounded like a monster Godzilla would fight, like Mothra or Megaladon). No it left me with other wonderful goodies that in the beginning I flat out ignored. 2 weeks after I got home I faced the music. I left the hospital with sheets of cystic acne covering my torso and apparently they don't plan on going anywhere. The best was the unwanted hair. I would have to check my surgical incision every day to look for signs of infection. I kept thinking that because my stomach had shrunk so much from the cyst removal that it was making my tummy look hairy. Yeah...no. That's when I realized I never had black hair all over my body. Pregopause strikes again! After that, I finally decided to look up more side effects and I have to say I am very lucky to not have any severe ones. So I will take this in stride and in humor and you get to say that you actually know a pregnant menopausal woman. A win-win!
She is getting too big for her breeches: one last thing and yup, it's a big one. Baby Girl Raney (B.G.R.) is scheduled to make her appearance this weekend. Sorry, no name. Just another classic example of my love of the art of procrastination. Excuse me, I've been busy with ya know, being pregnant, having cancer, and a couple other small errands here and there. She has been being monitored for the last two weeks and she looks great. However, last week she decided to spice things up a bit and somewhere in the midst of my killer sinus infection, she took it upon herself to do a complete 180 and become breech. We went this Monday and she is still being a turd and is facing the wrong way! That being said, she is quite the lively baby. She is always the loudest baby in a room of fetal monitors (I don't know if she's just already really competitive like her mother or she is using this as her time to finally be heard over her constantly rambling mother).The first time they had to move the monitor because she kept running away from it. So, I am not giving up on my little spaz. I still think she can flip back and I can attempt an early but traditional birth. Billy said I should sing Bonnie Tyler's "Turn Around Bright Eyes". I think she's a little too young to even know that song.
It's almost time to get kids up for school. Thank you for your time. Not sure if this post makes any sense or if I have entertained you, but I have surely entertained myself in my own "I'm delirious, I really don't want to puke, and I wish I could be one of my snoring cats" kind of way.