More poop and turds:
So I'm writing this from my hospital bed. I was admitted to UPenn early Tuesday night after a long hellish night in the ER. Luckily I should be breaking out of here today.
These past few weeks my house has been a den of disease. First, Billy got sinusitis and then Em caught his cold. I followed suit and struggled with battling an upper respiratory infection during chemo week. It kicked my ass. I contemplated going to the ER last Saturday because I was so weak and winded. However, I perked up and thought I was on the road to recovery. Monday I went for a CT scan and had my counts checked because I still felt a little off and wanted to make sure it was safe for me to get my endoscopy on Wednesday. I was given the okay. Early morning, like 3 am early, Will appeared at the side of my bed. He was the latest victim of the cold. Sam followed suit, waking up a boogery mess. So having not slept very well, I just assumed I was exhausted. But my stomach pain was relentless and it felt different. I finally cracked Tuesday afternoon and took painkillers but it barely took the edge off and the pain rapidly increased after eating lunch. And then the nausea hit. And then the joint pain started. And then I knew I was screwed.
I need Dr. House:
For those of you who know me well, you might have personally experienced one of these Lauren Raney mystery illnesses. Over the past decade I have had around 10 of these weird bouts that have landed my ass in the ER. They have caused a lot of gray hairs to appear on my dear husband's head. Here is a shortened version of this ridiculousness: I start to come down with a cold or stomach bug and I get violently ill within a couple hours. My body starts to shake and I get unbearable pain in all of my joints. My spine feels like it's curling and I can't stand up straight because it hurts so bad.
And then I puke.
And then I pass out.
And then I become delirious.
I end up in the ER extremely dehydrated and in pain. These episodes are usually remedied with a lot of fluids and pain and antivomiting meds. The following days my body is weak and exhausted and despite all the tests they run, no one knows why this happens. The only legitimate theory is that my immune system overreacts to a common illness. No matter what the cause, these episodes have scared the shit out of my family members and at times taken a financial toll on us as well.
Luckily, I have gone about 3 or 4 years without having an episode so I was devastated when I felt it coming on Tuesday night. I was scared because I never experienced one of these while having cancer and I had it in my head that I wanted to get to UPenn instead of the local ER. Let's just say, it was a long ride for me and for Billy. Halfway there, the puking started. Now without fail, I always pass out after vomiting. This is such a known fact, that even fellow coworkers know the drill. If I go down they need to lift my legs in the air to get the blood back to my core. So here is the one perk in all this madness. I came close, but I managed to stay conscious. Woohoo! How sad is it that Billy was saying "Good job, baby" after the pukefest. He was probably so relieved that I didn't pass out in the random parking lot we pulled into.
I live such a glamorous life.
Also if you're wondering, I have a major fear of vomiting now. I'd call it a phobia but phobias are irrational fears and I think this fear is pretty damn rational. Is it considered irony that the woman terrified of vomiting gets stomach cancer? Or is it just the worst luck in the world? Okay, I don't even care what it is, because it sucks no matter what. Let's get back to the madness.
Poop and turds continued:
So I spent a long ass time sitting in a wheelchair in Penn's ER. It was awful. It was insanely crowded and even the nurses said this was abnormal for a Tuesday night. Once I got a bed, tests were run, meds and fluids were administered, and ultrasounds of my heart and abdomen were performed. Let me just say that although the wait was awful, the nurses and doctors were amazing. They were so thorough, so accommodating, and so kind. Trust me, it was worth the puke ride there. So basically my abdomen looked fine. My bloodwork came back pretty normal besides an expected low white blood cell count and low potassium. My biggest issue was my low blood pressure and the fevers I started running as soon as I got there. They assumed my issues were viral but they wanted to make sure there wasn't an underlying infection. Being immunosuppressed, I don't have the ability to fight these things off. Blood cultures take about 48 hours to come back and the idea was to get my pressure stabilized, my fever under control, and see what my tests reveal.
I am a thousand times better.
I just got the word that I'll be out of here soon.
Remaining thoughts and feelings:
UPenn is wonderful. From the doctors to housekeeping, they are amazing. I asked Billy yesterday, "have you ever met a mean person here" and of course his answer was no. I don't know what they do to make their employees so happy and helpful, but other companies should seriously look into this.
This is the longest I've been away from Sam. Last year was so hard being away from Em and Will for weeks. It broke me. I've been away from Sam for two days and my heart hurts just thinking about her.Last night I heard someone's kid crying down the hallway. I started to cry. I miss her face and her smell.
Having a roommate in the hospital sucks but not for the reasons you may think. Yes, there's no privacy and Billy has to sit on my bed because my side of the room is so tiny, but these really aren't my issues. The issue is that the woman next to me is breaking my heart. I'm not exactly sure what happened to her but let's just say the simplest tasks most of us can do are impossible for her. Cancer patient here, feeling grateful that I can feed myself and go to the bathroom on my own.
I'm angry. This is getting ridiculous. I really tried to perk up after my last post and change my outlook. I was on the right road and then the sick car sideswiped me. This isn't fair. It's also really not fair for my husband. How much more can he possibly take? Mind you, he is still trying to get used to his new job and we all know how stressful that alone can be. Thankfully his company has been so supportive and understanding about all of this, but it still doesn't take away the fact that he is a hard worker and he doesn't want to miss anything. Plus, he has to handle most of the Raney household duties. Calgon, take him away...
Final thought:
Today is my sister's birthday. She would have turned 45 today. On this 17 years ago, she was in her hospital bed unresponsive. She died three days later. My mom had been planning to throw her a surprise birthday party. She was such a sneak, so I'm hoping that she somehow found out about it. I've always had faith that she did.
It is not fair to my parents that I ended up in the hospital around this time. They have already gone through so much trauma. To see their other daughter shipped off to a Philly hospital is a bit too reminiscent of what they went through almost 20 years. Enough is enough.
I lost a lot in the month of March. A sister, a grandmother, and my childhood pet. Despite all of this and my current shitty ass situation, I refuse to let it overcome me. I celebrate Susan today. She made me laugh. She pushed harder than anyone has ever pushed me. I hope I have made her proud. I feel her all around me, especially when I look at Emily.
I ask that if you knew her, please share a Susan story. Be it with me, or a family member, or a complete stranger. Let her light live on.
Here is my Susan story I share with you today:
When we were younger, Susan and I loved to play boardgames with each other. We were extremely competitive. We played Monopoly a lot. She always insisted on being the banker. I didn't care, because I had no desire to count the money. Interestingly enough, she always won. It took me a few decades to realize she was always cheating. Every time I think of this, I smile.
So I'm writing this from my hospital bed. I was admitted to UPenn early Tuesday night after a long hellish night in the ER. Luckily I should be breaking out of here today.
These past few weeks my house has been a den of disease. First, Billy got sinusitis and then Em caught his cold. I followed suit and struggled with battling an upper respiratory infection during chemo week. It kicked my ass. I contemplated going to the ER last Saturday because I was so weak and winded. However, I perked up and thought I was on the road to recovery. Monday I went for a CT scan and had my counts checked because I still felt a little off and wanted to make sure it was safe for me to get my endoscopy on Wednesday. I was given the okay. Early morning, like 3 am early, Will appeared at the side of my bed. He was the latest victim of the cold. Sam followed suit, waking up a boogery mess. So having not slept very well, I just assumed I was exhausted. But my stomach pain was relentless and it felt different. I finally cracked Tuesday afternoon and took painkillers but it barely took the edge off and the pain rapidly increased after eating lunch. And then the nausea hit. And then the joint pain started. And then I knew I was screwed.
I need Dr. House:
For those of you who know me well, you might have personally experienced one of these Lauren Raney mystery illnesses. Over the past decade I have had around 10 of these weird bouts that have landed my ass in the ER. They have caused a lot of gray hairs to appear on my dear husband's head. Here is a shortened version of this ridiculousness: I start to come down with a cold or stomach bug and I get violently ill within a couple hours. My body starts to shake and I get unbearable pain in all of my joints. My spine feels like it's curling and I can't stand up straight because it hurts so bad.
And then I puke.
And then I pass out.
And then I become delirious.
I end up in the ER extremely dehydrated and in pain. These episodes are usually remedied with a lot of fluids and pain and antivomiting meds. The following days my body is weak and exhausted and despite all the tests they run, no one knows why this happens. The only legitimate theory is that my immune system overreacts to a common illness. No matter what the cause, these episodes have scared the shit out of my family members and at times taken a financial toll on us as well.
Luckily, I have gone about 3 or 4 years without having an episode so I was devastated when I felt it coming on Tuesday night. I was scared because I never experienced one of these while having cancer and I had it in my head that I wanted to get to UPenn instead of the local ER. Let's just say, it was a long ride for me and for Billy. Halfway there, the puking started. Now without fail, I always pass out after vomiting. This is such a known fact, that even fellow coworkers know the drill. If I go down they need to lift my legs in the air to get the blood back to my core. So here is the one perk in all this madness. I came close, but I managed to stay conscious. Woohoo! How sad is it that Billy was saying "Good job, baby" after the pukefest. He was probably so relieved that I didn't pass out in the random parking lot we pulled into.
I live such a glamorous life.
Also if you're wondering, I have a major fear of vomiting now. I'd call it a phobia but phobias are irrational fears and I think this fear is pretty damn rational. Is it considered irony that the woman terrified of vomiting gets stomach cancer? Or is it just the worst luck in the world? Okay, I don't even care what it is, because it sucks no matter what. Let's get back to the madness.
Poop and turds continued:
So I spent a long ass time sitting in a wheelchair in Penn's ER. It was awful. It was insanely crowded and even the nurses said this was abnormal for a Tuesday night. Once I got a bed, tests were run, meds and fluids were administered, and ultrasounds of my heart and abdomen were performed. Let me just say that although the wait was awful, the nurses and doctors were amazing. They were so thorough, so accommodating, and so kind. Trust me, it was worth the puke ride there. So basically my abdomen looked fine. My bloodwork came back pretty normal besides an expected low white blood cell count and low potassium. My biggest issue was my low blood pressure and the fevers I started running as soon as I got there. They assumed my issues were viral but they wanted to make sure there wasn't an underlying infection. Being immunosuppressed, I don't have the ability to fight these things off. Blood cultures take about 48 hours to come back and the idea was to get my pressure stabilized, my fever under control, and see what my tests reveal.
I am a thousand times better.
I just got the word that I'll be out of here soon.
Remaining thoughts and feelings:
UPenn is wonderful. From the doctors to housekeeping, they are amazing. I asked Billy yesterday, "have you ever met a mean person here" and of course his answer was no. I don't know what they do to make their employees so happy and helpful, but other companies should seriously look into this.
This is the longest I've been away from Sam. Last year was so hard being away from Em and Will for weeks. It broke me. I've been away from Sam for two days and my heart hurts just thinking about her.Last night I heard someone's kid crying down the hallway. I started to cry. I miss her face and her smell.
Having a roommate in the hospital sucks but not for the reasons you may think. Yes, there's no privacy and Billy has to sit on my bed because my side of the room is so tiny, but these really aren't my issues. The issue is that the woman next to me is breaking my heart. I'm not exactly sure what happened to her but let's just say the simplest tasks most of us can do are impossible for her. Cancer patient here, feeling grateful that I can feed myself and go to the bathroom on my own.
I'm angry. This is getting ridiculous. I really tried to perk up after my last post and change my outlook. I was on the right road and then the sick car sideswiped me. This isn't fair. It's also really not fair for my husband. How much more can he possibly take? Mind you, he is still trying to get used to his new job and we all know how stressful that alone can be. Thankfully his company has been so supportive and understanding about all of this, but it still doesn't take away the fact that he is a hard worker and he doesn't want to miss anything. Plus, he has to handle most of the Raney household duties. Calgon, take him away...
Final thought:
Today is my sister's birthday. She would have turned 45 today. On this 17 years ago, she was in her hospital bed unresponsive. She died three days later. My mom had been planning to throw her a surprise birthday party. She was such a sneak, so I'm hoping that she somehow found out about it. I've always had faith that she did.
It is not fair to my parents that I ended up in the hospital around this time. They have already gone through so much trauma. To see their other daughter shipped off to a Philly hospital is a bit too reminiscent of what they went through almost 20 years. Enough is enough.
I lost a lot in the month of March. A sister, a grandmother, and my childhood pet. Despite all of this and my current shitty ass situation, I refuse to let it overcome me. I celebrate Susan today. She made me laugh. She pushed harder than anyone has ever pushed me. I hope I have made her proud. I feel her all around me, especially when I look at Emily.
I ask that if you knew her, please share a Susan story. Be it with me, or a family member, or a complete stranger. Let her light live on.
Here is my Susan story I share with you today:
When we were younger, Susan and I loved to play boardgames with each other. We were extremely competitive. We played Monopoly a lot. She always insisted on being the banker. I didn't care, because I had no desire to count the money. Interestingly enough, she always won. It took me a few decades to realize she was always cheating. Every time I think of this, I smile.
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